Conversation with Sue

Sue: When you tell me of the customs of your country, like the offering of fruits to passersby etc. is this done every Thursday?


Ali: People consider it a value to do it every Thursday, but nobody follows the custom that rigidly now. I can say that it is very common. When they go to the cemetery, almost all people distribute “Kheirat” which is the date, fruits, sweets or even the food that you distribute among the people you find around yourself wherever you are. They say that the “Kheirat” is for their dead and demand some prayers for their dead from whoever receives it.

Sue: Do you go to the cemetery every week?

T: No, Sue. The reason may be that it is a little too far from our house. People go to the cemetery more than your countrymen here though.

Sue: I love the customs you share with me, and I wonder, does every Iranian act as you do? Are they as thoughtful and demonstrative in remembering their dead and in enacting the rituals?

Ali: Yes, people pay a lot of attention to their dead. When someone dies they hold several funerals for him. One after three days, another after seven days, another after forty days and yet another after one year. Even after that an anniversary funeral is held every year. In a beautiful Iranian film called “The Snowman” someone who is living in a foreign country tells his friend: “I want to return to Iran. In Iran you may be lonely in your life, but at least when you die people do not leave you alone.”

Sue: Khastergari is very strange to me. Almost never does money change hands in a marriage agreement in the United States. And that is a LOT of money by my standards. Does the father of the girl want it all at once, or can your brother pay it little by little?

Ali: The correct spelling is Khastegari, Sue. It is not necessary for you to learn Persian, but it would be wonderful and I am sure very interesting for you to learn some of the words which are culturally very important. I will pronounce them in an audio file and send them to you soon. There are only two or three sounds in Persian that are difficult for you to pronounce. Other than that, Persian is a very easy language to speak. The money does not change hands here either. People usually get along well. Neither the girl nor her family demand the money at once or even little by little. Most of the times it is not paid at all until the man is dead. The money I told you is a lot by our standard too. In Iran women can not divorce their husbands unless they can prove to the court that he is a drug addict, a thief or someone who can not support the wife financially in a decent way. Other than that, if there is not a serious flaw in the marriage the court will not accept the divorce request from a woman. Men, however, have the right to divorce if, of course, they can pay them their “Mehriye”. I must add quickly that even men have to express an acceptable pretext for their decision.  But all in all it is easier for men to divorce the spouse.  That is why girls sometimes demand astronomical Mehriye for themselves before saying the yes. All in all, marriages flow smoothly in Iran without many divorces. Divorce rate is very low in our country or rather has been very low until very recently. I know it is a bit too high in the US.

Sue: In America, the wedding is paid for by the bride's family usually, and the groom's family plays for the rehearsal dinner. Each family gives as nice a gift as they can to the new couple - but it goes to the bride and groom, not the parents.

Ali: In Iran there is an engagement celebration which is rather small. It is held in the girl’s house and of course paid for by the bride’s father. He receives the groom’s family and relatives as his guests. They make a Sofreh, gather around it and a clergy man who is almost always a Mullah reads a “Khotbeh”. After that the bride and the groom sign several documents. Fathers sign the documents too along with several other people as witnesses. The wedding celebration is held and paid for by the groom’s father.

Sue: How has your brother gotten to know this girl? Can they date? If not, how do they know if they will be compatible?

Ali: The girl worked for one of my brother’s friends. My brother saw her there at first, observed her closely for several months and when he realized that she was decent and lovable he stepped forward. Now before anything is made official they talk to each other on the phone for many hours every day. The phone bills for the two families are disastrously high. They may even see each other -- sometimes secretly, sometimes openly. 

Thanks for your attention to us.  Hope these help.

T

Ginsberg Quote

I thank my dear friend Ali for a heartfelt introduction.

I thought I would share this quote by way of an introduction. It is by a poet who apparently happened to also be a philosopher. That seems to happen quite a bit, you know.

It pretty much says the one thing that really needs to be said about what the philosopher does.

So here it is. Enjoy!

hb3g

"Art recalls the memory
of his true existence
to whoever has forgotten
that Being is the one thing
all the universe shouts."

Allen Ginsberg

Our Incomplete Existence

Galway Kinnell is an American poet who has won numerous awards and just recently won an award worth $100,000 US. For me, poetry is a music to my soul, and very often Kinnell can write in such a way that one knows there is no better way to explain what he has described. My soul is complete when I read his words. Here is a quote from him:

"Everyone knows that human existence is incomplete. Among those who are especially troubled by this are those who turn to writing. Writing is a way of trying to understand the incompleteness and, if not to heal it, at least to get beyond whatever is merely baffling and oppressive about it."

I encourage you all to write. Keep a journal, or at least try to write down one thought in Farsi and English every day. One does not get wise except by tiny steps. I hope this will encourage each of you, before you go to bed, to look at your world and universe and to write a bit about it.

Sue

Introducing Herman, our new American friend

One day, several years ago, Sue introduced Herman to me. He is now a very dear friend to us both.  Herman has a passionate love for philosophy.  Something that I believe is more valuable than being a mere philosopher. All these years, I have always loved him as a highly respectable man and admired his insatiable thirst for something beyond the low, ordinary life or rather something that gives meaning to it. 

I am honored that he has accepted my invitation to join the site  I can't wait to see him among us.

T

Bahman's letter to Sue,

Dear Sue,
Santour’s surface is like a desert and Mezrabs are like a man who goes until dusk until find water in desert. When they find water stay in a part and dance there. After, they go again for searching water in desert. I played some piece and recorded them. I will send them for you. Please tell me your idea about them. I am not a good player because I only play for two years.
I am so sorry. I couldn’t find a word for my sentence. My correct sentence is this ‘I think wars and captures are a reason for the sad quality in our music. In our music a key is divided into 24 parts.
If you go to Tehran you should go to my Santour’s class. I am sure you enjoy it. You should go to our home because my family loves to see you. I love to see you in Tehran.
Do you play Violin now?
Take care,
Bahman

Sabber's letter to T

Hello Mr. T
How are you today? These days I am looking for every film or
every thing that help my and all other students' English.
Actually now I have understood what English is and now I can say that I love it
and I think without you and Sue and other kind students never Couldn't talk or
write as well as now.

With your help, we can finish all episodes of the BBC planet earth series
and many good documentary.

Now I want to say that I am ready to start reading the Masnavi and every time that you were free we start it.
If I have many mistakes in my letter to you, I'm so sorry.

Take care .

Sabber